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Maybe I will like these night classes.

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NeverMind
15:20 Jun 23 2015

I read that as, "cheese night classes," I thought to myself..."why in the world is she taking an entire class on cheese...at night?!"

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We* have deduced that I tore a muscle in my left upper arm, fairly badly. Not sure how it happened - theorising that it happened when throwing a ball for the dog, or in my sleep (I wake up covered in bruises), but it is finally healing, after about 2 weeks. I dealt with the pain for a bit and didn't complain until it got to the "wake up writhing in agony" stage (not joking - that was some incredible pain), and even then I didn't seek medical advice until a couple of days after. I have been on painkillers for... 4 days now?

Anyway... I am glad it is healing - did not want to have to see a doctor.

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Tristesse
08:35 Jun 23 2015

That sounds pretty bad. I hope you heal fast.

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I am... awaiting the commencement of the night classes I signed up for, impatiently. I have about 15-20 minutes before others are supposed to arrive and I am quite uneasy. Sigh. Siiiiiiigh. I am pretty sure that what I have signed up for is similar to what I previously studied at university.

This is shorter and I... have little information on it. I am not sure if I get an elective or not, or... I know I have to study English and that is about it.

Damn the uni for being so vague.



If I pass this, I will be studying a BA next year.

I somehow injured my arm a couple of days ago and the pain is almost excruciating right now. It is a 7.5/8 out of 10. I have had worse pain due to different things... but this is taking the cake right now.

Jesus. I need to sleep but it just isn't happening. I have been trying to sleep for so long. Ughughugh.

I got painkillers today but they have worn off and it took too long for them to kick in in the first place - they also only dimmed the pain to a 4 or so - did not entirely remove it.



I can't even raise my arm to shoulder height without it searing.

Sigh.

If it is not better by Monday, I will be requesting hardcore painkillers.

I've been using a hot water bottle and having hot and long showers to try soothe, and it helps, but 5 minutes after getting out... pain is back. Sometimes it feels like it is radiating down my back, pulsing in my shoulder. I am fairly sure the headache I have is also connected to it.



Sigh.

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Cinnamon
16:10 Jun 18 2015

Nearly two years ago I had this intense pain in my arm. It was mostly when I raised it. I thought that I had slept on it funny. I was suffering from a horrible case of pneumonia at the time and having to sleep sitting up on the couch just so I could breathe. Thinking nothing of this pain, I went into work--yes, with pneumonia 'cause that's how I roll. As the day progressed, the pain never eased and the breathing became nearly impossible. Finally, before anyone could call the ambulance 'cause I looked like I was dying, I called my father. He came and took me to the emergency room. I was admitted to the hospital that night. In the emergency room, my leg started hurting.



I was like, "WTF? Am I falling apart? What have I done to my leg?" I mentioned it to the nurse so they scheduled an ultrasound for the next morning. Woke up, arm and leg still hurting, went to my ultrasound and discovered that I had a blood clot in my leg. This worried me so I mentioned that my arm was hurting too. They did an ultrasound on that and, lo and behold, I had a blood clot there too!



They (medical staff) said it was a good thing I mentioned the pain because they never would have thought to look for blood clots. I was there for pneumonia! The clot in my arm was right around where my IV was too. If it had been hit and loosened it could've traveled to my heart and killed me. As it was, I wasn't allowed to lift my arm above my heart. My leg, conversely, had to remain elevated above my heart. lol I was only allowed to move to go to the bathroom. I got a shot in my stomach every day to block the blood clot in my leg from traveling. They worried about that one going to my lungs. I was also put on blood thinners.



Now, all this while I was battling pneumonia that wouldn't respond to antibiotics. It was not fun. Nope. Not even a little.



Turns out that I have a genetic abnormality that makes me prone to developing blood clots which was aggravated by the use of birth control pills.



Long story short--watch out for unexplained pain. If you didn't hurt it, you might want to have it checked out. Hope you feel better soon!!

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I have had a large amount of time to myself lately, since I am... really not feeling 'up for' indulging my housemate. As such, I have watched a lot of "Orange Is The New Black", and I quite like it. By 'a lot'... I mean I have watched roughly 15 hours of it in the last day.



I am going to... be a complete wanker and not attend my nursing exam tomorrow. I am too tired, my sleep pattern has been fucked up after I FINALLY got it right again, and so I am going to sleep in tomorrow.

Horrah, right?

I have an interview on Tuesday and that is x10 more important. The dog ate my shoes. I need to buy new ones tomorrow.



Fudge sticks, I know life could be worse, but... fudge sticks.

In the moments when he is sleeping, I feel so alone.

I want to call my mother and talk to her, cry in her arms again, tell her everything horrible.



It hurts my chest to acknowledge that it's going to take a lot of quiet soothing, many months of gentle life before I will be normal again.

I feel broken. I feel so fucking fragile.



I hate what this has done to me. I was already a homey person, but I fear to leave the house, and fear to come home in equal amounts. I don't stand up for myself or my cat, or even when they criticise my family. On one side, I think I am pathetic, on another more logical hand, I know I am doing my best with the situation, and I am handling it fairly well.

Mocha loves bouncing on my exercise ball.

Good god, he is cute.

So. Uhm. Talked about things today, and I ended up crying out of sheer happiness.

Lately I have been doing so much crying - too much. I either cry because I am happy or because I just constantly feel like shit - I am glad today it was a good feeling.







A couple of years ago, someone made a rather barbed comment on an aspect of my personal life, which hurt quite a bit - not because they were right, but because they touched on a fear I had.

I am older, and a lot more logical - I know at the time I couldn't have done anything better in terms of the situation, but I was still saddened by what the person said.





If the thing I discussed today comes into fruition...

So many parts of my life will click into place.

I am looking at how to move my cat safely within a 14 hour drive. I assume we will be stopping for a little, every few hours. I think... a lot of Feliway will be used. A lot. Catnip calms Mocha down, so I'll be sprinkling it in the car, too. I've never used Feliway - otherwise mum is thinking of having Mocha sedated for a little while. I will have to start training him on a harness now (I have one, luckily), and I will have to start looking for bigger crates. I am tempted to buy a bigish metal one, so he can stand up - because he can no-longer stand in his current crate. He can turn around, but he can't stand properly - for 7 months old, he's enormously tall.



I need to consult with the vet - I am not sure how much that will cost, so I am going to prolong it a little while, and train Mocha using the internet tips I have been reading, which seem good. He seems a little scared in the car, but not TERRIFIED. I am also now looking into his pooping times, so I can try schedule in stops for it, where I can set up his litter box, let him use it, and then we resume.



I really need to find out what treat he REALLY likes, and start using it in the car, as well.



I really don't want to sedate him for a car trip.

Serious discussions had today... and there's... 4 months until I move again.

It's decided, it's official, it's happening.

Horrah.

I am so excited.

I'm going to keep applying for work here, but it's going to be for a couple of months only... unless I get a job that pays $35 an hour and gives me plenty of work... unlikely, and even then I would still move. I'd save like the devil and move.



I feel no guilt or ties to this place. If I can, I will apply for nursing positions in Brisbane, of not, oh well.



I looked into available courses, costs and locations, and then decided on my course of action after discovering my kitten eating my housemate's leftover food... which she had just left on the kitchen bench before going out. This was AFTER I have cleaned the kitchen twice today. I don't use plates and bowls often - I eat a lot of prepacked food lately. I have cooked myself ONE meal from scratch in the last few weeks - and I washed up the bowl and pot.



So October 15-20, I will be moving.

I made some amazing Mexican food and sadly ate it all in one go. It was delicious.

I am, with regret, off shopping tomorrow, once again, for clothes that actually fit me.

I am getting fairly annoyed by this - I was a solid size when I moved here, and a steady few months later I fit into a smaller size, and now I am smaller again. I lost a whole dress size in 7-8 weeks. Clothes that have not fit me since I was 17 are now too big.

Almost all of my clothing is supposed to be oversized, like my sweaters and jackets, but jeans and intimates are expensive and constantly in need of replacement.



I am going to get a $10 pair of jeans tomorrow and try on a bunch of stuff. You would think I am happy to be a size 8-10, but... it is annoying me. I had been one size for years, and so a very large amount of my clothes are all one size.

I went shopping on Saturday and got smaller jeans and a small mens shirt... and I look great in it, but it was not something I wish to repeat unless the clothing is free.



Sigh. Grumble. Woe.



I sound so ungrateful but at the same time, the illness which is causing such weightloss tells me it is not enough.



I have to book a new doctor and specialist appointment this week.

Parents being considerate of your vegetarian food choices even though they don't agree, and going out of their way to make sure you get decent veggo food...



Pure love. I feel pure love. ♥

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MeatEatingOrchid
21:37 Jun 04 2015

That's awesome :D

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imagesinwords
02:25 Jun 05 2015

I can relate. I went kosher when I was a kid (from 10-23) - yet was forced to eat it when I was young at home. It sucked. For me it was a religious thing... Which was tortuous when forced to eat. I'm no longer that religion, but it still really screwed me up to be forced to eat it when I believed differently. It wasn't even so much that I believed it was "unclean", it was a discipline of mine that they wouldn't allow me to maintain.

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Owlish
17:19 Jun 08 2015

I have been on-again off-again vegetarian and vegan for quiiiite a long time now - every now and again I would give in and eat what my parents were cooking, and my father was a bit scornful of vegetarians (and don't get me started on vegans!) for a long time.

Since I have moved out for the second time I have not consumed any red meat or bird, and I only ate fishies for a couple of months. I have been completely meat-free for about 5 months, and will never turn back now. I also don't eat eggs or drink milk/cream.

When I moved I was doing it because I knew it was an important part of Buddhism, and I was able to do it, so I did. When I fully understood the implications of eating meat, I cut out fish entirely and I actively avoid all animal products. Ethically and morally, it just breaks my heart.



It felt SO good for them to acknowledge my choice and support me in it. They joked about bacon and fish but they went out of their way to get me veggo food - whether for fear of how much weight I have lost, or just acceptance - I am really happy.

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Ugh. Tomorrow I am going grocery shopping at 7am, then to see a specialist. Fuckkk, so much to do so early in the morning, and shopping right now is an extremely touchy thing for me.

My parents are visiting in a couple of days, and I had no warning. They talked about it idly, but never made concrete plans, and now all of a sudden it's happening, and in only two days.

So feverish cleaning will begin tomorrow, after my super early shopping and appointment.



My back hurts.



I know I logically need to eat more food, but I don't want to and I have a whole host of reasons supporting my withdrawal, right now.